It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
