her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
