Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
