On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
