Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
