Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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