I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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