You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
