we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
