im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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