For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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