Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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