I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
