I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
zippers are such a cool invention
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
