Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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