Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
