I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
