Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
