So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize