He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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