well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
