i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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