I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
