i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
