i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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