I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
