Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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