I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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