i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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