She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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