I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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