I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
