I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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