Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
