so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
