Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
