I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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