So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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