I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
