Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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