it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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