im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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