She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
