I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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