dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
