i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
