no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
