wrigley field is MILF paradise
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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