Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
