My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
