census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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