She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Houston, we have a blender
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
