Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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