Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
