He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
