i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
