Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
