i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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