Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
