OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
