have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
