We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
