I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
