I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
