new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
