Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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