I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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