Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
