The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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