The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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