last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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