Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
