Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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