You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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