Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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