Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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