it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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