OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
