She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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